“Youth is wasted on the young” – Oscar Wilde
I have now finally shut and locked 2014″s door and decided to rage forward like most into a new year. With me, I carry a new set of rules, rose tinted specs and a heart full of intent. Ive always been quite hard on myself with resolutions, making pretty bold commitments and holding myself accountable for anything vaguely lacking in my life. For me, the biggest struggle with making New Year Resolutions is the fact that Im not just embarking on a new year but a new age. With every year that we get older, we become someone different than the year prior hence why our resolutions constantly change. With each passing year, we learn from the time that has passed and try desperately to fix what is broken and create what is not. For me getting older is something I have really started to battle with, not from a vanity stand point (ok sometimes) but from this constant revelation of how fast life goes and my constant desire to slow it down so that I can take it in. There are so many things I want to be, so many things I want to do, but it seems a “lack of time” is what keeps me from them. How can I focus on my future self when there are piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes, children to raise, meals to cook, a house to clean and a career to make happen every second of every day?
Throughout my childhood, I craved getting older and wished desperately for time to pass. I just wanted to be sixteen so that I could drive, then eighteen so that I could be free, twenty-one to dance with a cocktail in hand, twenty-five so that I would be taken seriously at work and after 27, I really just wanted to escape singleton, fall in love with Mr.Right and settle down. Looking back throughout most of my youth, I was so eager to get to my “FUTURE” that I really didn”t appreciate the endless time that I did have and all the “FUTURES” I did get to. Don”t get me wrong, I had a blast…I lived vigorously and danced through fleeting moments with eyes wide open. But I do wish I would have taken more time to inhale all the moments that passed so slow and cherished the landmarks . According to my twenty-something self, I am now living the dream life and residing comfortably in my “FUTURE”. However, now that Im here, there seems to be a new future that Im constantly striving for. It”s now 2015 and I put on my rose tinted specs and I SEE THE FUTURE ….It is bright and airy and all the gaps are filled. My children are ridiculously happy and we are all residing in a place full of change. So I sit and begin to make a long list of resolutions in order for my future life flourish… But I”m stumped and can”t help but wonder… Am I so busy planning my future that Im not actually enjoying the future that Im already living in? Isn”t this moment that Im in right now technically me already reaching my future destination? Am I too busy planning rather than living?
As I rip open the curtains of 2015, I have made one resolution and one resolution only. Pure and simply just to be more PRESENT. To trust in the moments that I am able to live and breathe in and to take in every day as it comes. To know that this is the exact moment that I have always hoped for and I am the person right now that I always wished to become. The future is now.